These mothers and their opinions | Part One
Ooh bliksem, where do we begin...
There is a big issue that causes a lot of stress during the planning of a wedding and it is interfering mothers/mother-in-laws/sisters/best friends. This is not dress specific at all, it might not even be wedding planning specific but good grief "Mother" is insisting that her opinions be heard. Don't even get us started on the bridesmaid who has been married for two seconds and is an expert in the field because with HER wedding blah blah blah...Que a heavy sigh and eye-roll. "Thanks sweetie".
Give me strength and let's put this out there, firstly: This day is about YOU AND YOUR FIANCEE MAKING A COMMITMENT and your guests are there to celebrate with you. That's it. 'Nuff said.
2. If your mother doesn't have anything nice to say then LEAVE HER AT HOME. If she wants to behave like a small child complaining about your decisions regarding flowers, dress, venue etc then treat her like one, give her a time-out and make her stay home. No one, not one single service provider, needs her negative vibes while trying to make things beautiful for you. Bye Felicia!
3. Any person in your bridal party that has a problem with what they're wearing can go home too. Honestly, the amount of bridesmaids that threw tantrums about their wedding attire is shocking. If the bride wants you to wear a clown costume then you get the biggest bluddy shoes and brightest coloured wig and you rock that outfit; if she wants you to wear bows and pink and a hat and a purse and and and, well guess what...You wear that without complaining. This day is not about you, dear bridesmaid. Get a grip.
4. We don't tolerate shitty comments to brides like "Oh, I can see you had a piece of cake this weekend", "I will look better than the bride", "See, it's not that difficult to lose weight, now just keep it off" or anything that YOU, mother of the bride, say to hurt your daughter. You, mother, should be her protector, you should be her warrior in a world where every other media outlet and person tells her she's not good enough so you had better watch your tongue and the words that roll off it. You need to build her on this journey, you need to uplift her when she doubts herself, you need to support her when she's unsure of her decisions and you need to UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE and NURTURE her.
5. Bride, you need to stop allowing yourself to be the victim. You can't always stop the comments but you need to allow yourself to walk away. You need to take ownership and protect this journey because it is special. I do not believe that having a wedding or marriage fulfills you, I do not believe that one needs to be married to be complete but I do believe that it is an incredible commitment and a monumental giving-up of the self to promise yourself to another. It is a decision that should not be taken lightly and to be able to share that promise of walking a path with your person, your human with your friends and family that will be sharing in your growing life is wonderful. And that is why you can say no. You can say that you don't want to do a certain thing, have a certain thing or wear a certain thing because it is about you and your groom and not about someone else's opinion.
Having said all this, it is not about trying to be bitchy here. Not in the least. But it causes emotional havoc and we, as suppliers, are the ones on whom it gets taken out. There is also a massive whole where the respect should be; respect for our jobs as florists, photographers, designers etc. And most of all, a complete lack of respect for the human getting married, just because you are her mother does not give you the right to disrespect her and just because you are her best friend doesn't mean you get to challenge her dreams of a wedding day. And lastly, this is not all mothers/friends/in-laws that do this, it's just that when it does happen our hearts sink for the bride and we are not "allowed" to say anything.
The flipside of this will be our topic for part two, the overbearing and overprotective mother and my personal theory on the psychology behind it.
For now, have a happy Monday!